It's been to long and now I'm stuck again ... on the other side

I'm really sick of this I make promises to myself and I'm having a very difficult time keeping them. I think I can accomplish things I have a sense of purpose I feel capable I feel smart and yet I can't seem to accomplish one damn thing nothing I feel absolutely and incredibly ridiculous. I mean I suppose that thin line that I was walking before has switched to the other side where I feel for comfortable and confident which is a good thing however the other part is still very strong. It makes it very difficult when I feel like I can do anything but the actuality isn't happening very very irritating. It makes me remember why I fell into such despair in the first place it so much easier to give into the other side than to be fighting against it and not achieve any results. It's like I have the will and the desire but something is squelching my motivation. In a lot of ways it is much more frustrating than it was to be on the other side where you could feel the lingering hope but couldn't give about it. Now that hope has led to desire and ambition and all these wonderful things I can't seem to do anything about it. I'd really wish that I could bump that step up just a little bit higher. Not that I ever think I'll be normal but it would be nice to be able to like myself and actually accomplish the things I know I'm capable of.